


Don’t carry this burden on your shoulders alone

by love_in_the_city



Category: The Iliad - Homer, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26570683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_in_the_city/pseuds/love_in_the_city
Summary: during spring holidays Patroclus does not have the best time, back on campus he doesnt have the heart to tell Achilles. But Achilles realises something is wrong and is willing to find out what hurt his lover.“Never again keep anything from me this long, I am  here now you don’t need to carry this burden alone, you don’t need to carry anything alone anymore. As long as I am  by your side and I will always be by your side.”
Relationships: Achilles & Patroclus (Song of Achilles), Achilles/Patroclus (Song of Achilles), Briseis/Patroclus (Song of Achilles)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 101





	Don’t carry this burden on your shoulders alone

He just had to stay clam for few more hours, he told himself. It was the last day of spring holidays. Patroclus really thought he could have a holiday where he could relax but to nobodies surprise that did not happen. And he found himself after a painfully long and harsh two weeks, standing in the middle of the kitchen, while his mother was in a crying mixed with screaming fit. Patroclus was sure his mother was having a panic attack, and even though he knew what to do when something like that happens, he was frozen. He thinks how only ten minutes ago he was sipping his tea and he decided to reveal his summer plans to his mother. He and Achilles, his boyfriend, wanted to do something together that summer. Achilles’ parents owned a very nice beach house by the sea. The day before spring holidays started, Achilles asked Patroclus if he would wish to spend few weeks of summer in his family beach house. Patroclus of course was thrilled and said yes immediately. Both he and Achilles knew how strict his parents were. But Patroclus, now twenty years old and in college, thought maybe his parents would get over themselves. But now he can see it in the scene happening in front of his eyes that was not the case. As soon as he said their plan to his mother, she started crying, saying Patroclus did not love her anymore and what was family for if they weren’t going to be together forever. How could Patroclus leave them, her, for the summer. And of course the classic sentences followed up very quickly; that boy Achilles has changed him, he had become a different boy from what his mother had raised, that she could hardly know who he was anymore and he was slipping away.  
He took a deep breath as he reached out for his mother. Kneeling down beside her, he took her head in his heads so he could look at her eyes better.  
“Mother, look at me, I will spend the summer with you, alright?” he said as he creased his mother’s hair out of her eyes. She clanged his hands tightly in hers. “Yes”, she said, “that would make me very happy.”  
He sighed, helping his mother off the floor. “I will clean up the table; you wash your face before father arrives. Wouldn’t want him asking questions.”  
After washing the dishes, he went up to his room. Achilles has left him bunch of voice messages about his lake trip with his track team. He was having a good time; Patroclus would never tell him any of the things that happened these two weeks. Achilles didn’t need that. Instead he dropped himself on the bed and started listening to the voice messages. They did not fail to form a smile on his face. Even if Achilles was packed with activities, every free moment he could find, he would update Patroclus on every detail of his life. Right now he was speaking of a huge fish he saw in the lake and how terrified he was. He ended every message with I wish you were here, I love you and the boys’ wishes you were here too. Now Patroclus knew that was not true, the boys did not miss him. He only knew them because of Achilles and even if there was nothing wrong between them and they were nice to Patroclus, they weren’t the closest friends. But Achilles carried him so dearly in his heart that he was sure everyone loved Patroclus as much as he did. Patroclus found that quite charming. He replied back to Achilles through text, not trusting his voice to give away anything. Few more hours he told himself, then he would be back on campus, in his dorm and Achilles could spend the night there instead of his own apartment and it would be fine. He had some cuts on his back from last week, where his father threw him the glass vase in the living room, for not having a better GPA. It was true; Patroclus’ classes weren’t as good as they used to be in high school. They weren’t bad but he hadn’t passed all of his classes and that had angered his father. He was trying to come up with excuses for them in case Achilles saw them. He picked up his computer and searched up funny videos on YouTube, something to numb down his brain.  
He woke up to the sound of a new text message.  
“I love you, missed you <3” he smiled and closed his eyes, drifting to a soundless sleep. 

He heard rushed footsteps coming to his door as he was finishing unpacking. With one quick knock his door flew open and Briseis rushed to his arms. “I missed you so much” she practically screamed. He wrapped her in a hug. “Have you lost weight? Patroclus, did you not eat anything I can literally feel your bones when I touch you.” To this, he frowned. It wasn’t on purpose he didn’t eat; he just didn’t wish to be sat at the table. But now the comment made him anxious, what if Achilles would be bothered by this. If Briseis made this comment after one short hug, what would Achilles say? “Is it that bad, would Achilles be bothered by it?” Briseis put her hand on his shoulder, “No, Patroclus I am sorry I didn’t mean it in a bad way, sometimes you forget to eat while you are studying and such, so I was worried. You don’t look bad, you never do. Besides Achilles doesn’t care what you look like. He will just be concerned as I am that’s all.” He gave her a tight smile but didn’t want to ruin the mood. “So, tell me what you have been up to” he said. She sat on his bed and crossed her legs. “Oh you already know, I texted every detail to you, the usual. I played with my younger siblings, took them out and such.” She was cut short with a knock on the door. Automedon stood at the doorway.  
“Hey, was just passing by wanted to say hi. And to let you know Patroclus that your boy was so sad because of your absence, he nearly cried one night when he got drunk. Now he would never admit to it, because you know, he is all tough and all. So I, as a good friend, wanted to let you know” he chuckled a little as he talked.  
“Hah” Briseis said, “why am I not even surprised, I will sure as hell remember this to use against him Automedon, thank you.”  
“Anytime” he said as he left for his own room.  
“Patroclus” a loud voice was heard on the corridor by everyone living on that floor. This was nothing new to any of the residents since Achilles loved announcing his arrival every time. A smile formed on Patroclus face as he leaned a little on the doorframe to get a better view at his approaching boyfriend. Achilles was walking towards him; arms open wide, his blonde curls bouncing on his shoulders as he walked and those green eyes sparkling at the sight of Patroclus. Patroclus’ breath hitched a little at the sight in front of him. Achilles wrapped him in his arms and drew him in for a kiss. Achilles’ lips on his own felt like home. He felt his shoulders relax as he leaned more into the kiss. He leaned completely on Achilles’ chest, his legs no longer holding his weight. He ran his hands through Achilles hair and sighed. Achilles parted his lips, capturing Patroclus’ as he held his chin in one hand and pressed the other on the small of his back. Patroclus felt happy for the first time in so long. Few tears rolled down his eyes and landed on Achilles’ cheeks. Achilles drew back concerned. “What’s wrong?” he asked. Patroclus gave him a smile and cupped his face in his hands. “Nothing’s wrong I am just so glad to see you.” But his answer had not satisfied Achilles, he kept searching Patroclus’ eyes, hoping to find an answer in those dark brown eyes. They both looked up when Briseis cleared her throat, still not letting each other go. “Hello to you too Achilles, I missed you too.” “Brises, I like you, I appreciate you, but you are occupying my boyfriend’s bed and that’s where I rather be right now. With him, alone.” Briseis rolled her eyes with a smile on her face and gave Patroclus a kiss on the cheek as she headed out.  
Achilles turned immediately back to Patroclus, capturing his lips with his own. Patroclus pulled away slowly resting his head on Achilles’ shoulder and just hugging him tightly as he inhaled his smell deeply. That smell that would always bring him back to his senses. “I am very tired ‘chilles, can we just sleep?” Patroclus asked, his voice coming out small. Achilles nodded, closing the door behind them and lead them to the bed. He kicked off his shoes and laid down next to Patroclus, taking him in his arms. Patroclus wrapped his arms around Achilles’ torso and buried his face in his chest. Achilles started petting Patroclus’ hair and humming a random melody. Patroclus felt safe in those arms. After those two weeks at home, this was everything to him. Just being in Achilles arms knowing nothing could harm him as long as those arms stayed around him, as long as Achilles stood beside him. He would never tell what happened to Achilles, he already had enough going on himself, and besides, boring Achilles with his problems was the last thig he wished for. He felt lips brush top of his head and he smiled. “What’s bothering you?” Achilles whispered. Patroclus just hummed in return. He didn’t wish to lie but didn’t want to speak either. “Hmm? Patroclus, did something happen?” Patroclus shook his head and lifted his head up to look into Achilles’ eyes. He smiled softly, how could he not when he saw his lover’s beautiful eyes. “No, babe, its fine I am just tired. Besides I should ask you if you are fine, Automedon told me you were crying for you longed so dearly for me. Your soul was aching for my touch that you were no longer to contain your tears. Mighty Achilles falling apart form yearning for his love. It makes my insides shiver with joy, that such simple soul like mine has an opportunity to be loved so dearly by someone like you” Patroclus said dramatically, putting one hand on his forehead and throwing his head backwards as if he was fainting. Achilles huffed out a smile and snuggled closer to Patroclus. “Forget med school, join theatre, you will be amazing at it” he said “But I am going to have a talk with Automedon for revealing my secrets.”  
Achilles woke up to Patroclus whimpering in his arms. Patroclus was mumbling “no” and “please” and started hiccupping a little. Achilles grew more concerned than before as he tried to shush Patroclus, whispering in his ear that he was there and it was all fine now. Achilles realised the moment he first hugged Patroclus that something was wrong. They have been separated for holidays before and they missed each other so much, but Patroclus had never cried at their reunion. His under eyes were also sunken and dark blue. Achilles knew very well that this happened when Patroclus cried himself to sleep. And now they were sleeping cuddled to each other in the afternoon, further proof that Patroclus is searching for comfort, and if it’s in his arms he hopes to find it, Achilles will give it to him. Because he would do anything for Patroclus. As he lies there awake his mind comes up with so many scenarios that could have happened to Patroclus over the break. His heart clenches and the air surrounding him isn’t enough all of a sudden. Even the idea of Patroclus getting hurt is enough to hurt him. Something inside him tells him to search for injuries. He slowly raises Patroclus’ shirt up, revealing his back and purple bruises alongside some cuts. All of a sudden he can’t breathe, he wants to shake Patroclus by his shoulders and demand to know what happened but he stops himself. Patroclus looks so calm right now that he doesn’t have the heart to wake him up. He rubs his face and decides to not ask anything for the time being, to wait until Patroclus feels ready to tell him. But if that time doesn’t come soon, Achilles will have no choice but to ask.  
The first week of classes goes pretty fast, none of the professors wasting time and continuing where they left off. Patroclus and Achilles did not have much time to talk since Patroclus shut himself in the library. Achilles brought him dinner to the library and sat with him while he studied. Afterwards he would walk him to his dorm. But he was concerned. Patroclus didn’t speak about his holidays or bring up the bruises on his back. In fact, he wasn’t speaking a lot at all. On Friday afternoon, after his class, Achilles went to find Briseis. He was hoping Patroclus would already be at the library so he can get to Briseis alone.  
“Hey” he called out when he spotted her. “Hey, what’s up?” Achilles huffed and ran his hand through his hair. “I am worried Briseis. Patroclus won’t speak to me about what’s bothering him, he ignores every question I ask him.” Briseis put her hand on this shoulder. “I wish there was something I could tell you but I don’t know anything as well. He won’t speak to me unless it’s to ask me about myself, during classes he is so quiet and after he disappears to the library.” Achilles clenched and unclenched his fists in anger. He hated being left in the dark, especially when it was something concerning Patroclus. Briseis took his hand in hers and rubbed gently on his knuckles. “Go pick him up from the library  
and take him to your apartment. You two just have a chill evening and when he is relaxed a little, ask him nicely. Don’t push him, yes?” “Yeah, I won’t push him, thanks Bri.”  
Achilles climbed the steps of library quickly. He spotted Patroclus sitting alone in a pile of books. It was only the first week back; Achilles couldn’t understand why Patroclus was being this hard on himself. “Hey” he said softly, pulling a chair to sit. Patroclus looked up, eyes a little red, and smiled. It was the smile he gave to everyone else, not the special one he always saved for Achilles. This broke Achilles’ heart. He had to understand what truly was going on with his boyfriend. He reached over the table and closed the textbook in front of Patroclus. “Come on, we are going to my place.” Patroclus looked up, expression mixed with shock and anger. Achilles was faster; he had already packed all the books into Patroclus’ bag and was holding his hand out for him. Patroclus didn’t have much choice, so he took Achilles’ hand. He was concerned, had he upset Achilles? He was aware that he was a bit distant but not much to anger his boyfriend or he had assumed. They were walking hand in hand towards the apartment. This was one of the things Patroclus loved about his boyfriend, whatever his mood was; he always kept Patroclus by his side. Even when he was upset with Patroclus, he did not let him go. It made Patroclus feel as if he was worthy; worthy of the love Achilles was showing to him.  
Achilles unlocked the door, letting Patroclus in. he sat both their bags in the entrance and moved them towards the living room. “Sit” he gestured and Patroclus sat on the couch. Achilles sat on the coffee table in front of him, their knees bumping to each other. “Tell me what’s bothering you, please.” Patroclus rubbed his hands on his legs, noticing, Achilles took them in his hands. Patroclus remained silent. “Patroclus, love, tell me. I don’t want to say this but you are refusing to speak so I will. I saw the bruises Patroclus; you are not speaking to me, to anyone. So tell me.” Patroclus’ breath hitched, tears forming in his eyes. All of a sudden he felt so conscious of himself, so small. He wanted to sink into the couch. Achilles was waiting for an answer, he knew that. But he didn’t know if he had the heart to tell him the truth. But it was Achilles and he could never lie to him. What difference will their love have if they started lying to each other? He took a deep breath, “It wasn’t a pleasant holiday, which you could guess. Not something I haven’t expected of course. But the length of how far it could go, how meaningless the arguments could get I had not estimated. No matter what I do, it is not enough. And on top of that, I am not as successful as I have been in high school. You know that. Father, is not pleased and mother thinks I am neglecting my family, keeping secrets and running from them. In a way that’s true, I am tired and it’s hard to live with this and as the years go on I expect it to end but it never does.” He was crying now but he didn’t care. He leaned forward and rested his head on Achilles’ shoulder. Achilles pulled his hands out of Patroclus’ and wrapped them on his shoulders pulling him closer. “Patroclus listen to me, you are enough, you are not less of a student just because your grades aren’t as high. This is college, it’s different. And grades don’t matter do you hear me. Not to me at least, I know you are smart. You are so smart so kind it amazes me. Your brain is my second favourite thing I love about you, just after your heart. I love you and you are enough to me. And it doesn’t matter if others don’t agree, because I have got more than enough love to love you more than anyone you know. All the love in this world combined cannot be equal to the love I feel for you. “  
Patroclus was shaking with sobs now, holding onto Achilles so hard. Achilles was whispering to his ear that it was over, he was there now. Patroclus leaned back on the couch, pulling Achilles on top of him by his forearms. “Thank you” he whispered to Achilles lips. Achilles balanced himself on one arm, his other hand slipping into Patroclus’ curls. He leaned down and captured his lips with his own. “Never again keep anything from me this long, I am here now you don’t need to carry this burden alone, you don’t need to carry anything alone anymore. As long as I am by your side and I will always be by your side.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, please leave comments if you have liked it. This story is based on true events, I found it best to deal with the hurt by projecting it onto my favorite gay charcters. Luckily in this story Patroclus receives the comfort he deserves.


End file.
